Ego Mania

Is it normal to be terrified that my child doesn't love me? Her latest thing is to turn her face away when I'm talking and cooing to her, as though she wants me to go away. But when our sitter made funny faces and talked to her this morning and she didn't turn her face away, I was devastated. Does this mean it's time to join a first-time mom support group?

I wasn't expecting this, but having a child feeds into all my existing fears and ego issues. I worry she doesn't like me enough; I hate myself for being a bad parent at times; I feel intensely insecure about my status with her; I compare myself to her daddy as a parent and feel competitive about being the better parent and having all the right answers; I feel resentful and tired. Sometimes I wonder who the real child is!

Today I felt like crying all day, for no reason. It feels like PMS but it's not really the same thing. 18 weeks after the delivery, I am still feeling unexpected effects of the experience. I wonder if it counts as PSD. I also have occasional bouts of anger, like last night, which I take out on my hubby. The poor guy can do no right. When he's not being an involved enough dad, I lash out; when he's too involved, I lash out. What is wrong with me??